Saturday, 26 October 2013

Rubbish....BUT .....trusting

Its so hard to stay upbeat when struggling with tiredness.  I'd been feeling loads better but have sunk down into fatigue again.  And when this happens I end up feeling rubbish with myself.  I know I have to down tools and rest to recover and get better so I stay home and do......not very much at all - that's resting, right?  Then I start to ask myself, "What am I meant to be doing with my life?"  I'm wasting it away.  What will Jesus say to me when I get to heaven?!!! 

I know from bitter experience that I need to get with God ASAP.  Its not that I'm going to instantly get healed and get loads of energy, though that could happen, just that it hasn't yet.  But I know I can pour out my heart and let out all my negative feelings, I can feel sorry for myself and complain that its not fair and says all sorts of stupid things - I know God is listening.  He meets me where I am, down in the black  hole and its when I reach out my hand and say, "Help me", that He reaches down and lifts me up.  I know and trust that He is always there for me.  He WILL give me strength.  He will give me strength to endure and wait, and strength in my body too.

My prayer today is, "Lord, forgive me for complaining and thank you for all the good and wonderful things in my life.  Help to use this resting time better.  Help me to pray more.  Teach me to be."

I did some art journaling which is always helpful.  Here are the pages.  The first one has all my negative feelings but also includes turning to Jesus so getting postive!

The second one is more positive.

And the last one is a very simple page on strength rising!

And here Chris Tomlin's wonderful song that inspired this last page

So yes, I'm trusting and feeling better!

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