Rubbish....BUT .....trusting

Its so hard to stay upbeat when struggling with tiredness.  I'd been feeling loads better but have sunk down into fatigue again.  And when this happens I end up feeling rubbish with myself.  I know I have to down tools and rest to recover and get better so I stay home and do......not very much at all - that's resting, right?  Then I start to ask myself, "What am I meant to be doing with my life?"  I'm wasting it away.  What will Jesus say to me when I get to heaven?!!! 

I know from bitter experience that I need to get with God ASAP.  Its not that I'm going to instantly get healed and get loads of energy, though that could happen, just that it hasn't yet.  But I know I can pour out my heart and let out all my negative feelings, I can feel sorry for myself and complain that its not fair and says all sorts of stupid things - I know God is listening.  He meets me where I am, down in the black  hole and its when I reach out my hand and say, "Help me", that He reaches down and lifts me up.  I know and trust that He is always there for me.  He WILL give me strength.  He will give me strength to endure and wait, and strength in my body too.

My prayer today is, "Lord, forgive me for complaining and thank you for all the good and wonderful things in my life.  Help to use this resting time better.  Help me to pray more.  Teach me to be."

I did some art journaling which is always helpful.  Here are the pages.  The first one has all my negative feelings but also includes turning to Jesus so getting postive!

The second one is more positive.

 

And the last one is a very simple page on strength rising!

And here Chris Tomlin's wonderful song that inspired this last page

So yes, I'm trusting and feeling better!

A New Name

We sang this song at church last night and it moved me to tears...... again. The song is about the transforming power of Jesus when we surrender our lives to Him. No matter how damaged or hurt we can find healing and new life if we only allow Jesus in.

Here are the words:

I will change your name

You shall no longer be called

Wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid

I will change your name

Your new name shall be

Confidence, joyfulness, overcoming one

Faithfulness, friend of God

One who seeks My face

I know Jesus has changed me and is still changing me - I'm a work in progress!  He's set me free from - to name a few things - anger and fear, from comfort eating and resentment, from feeling I don't belong.  He's given me a new family in my church family.   He's given me a new purpose in my life so I have confidence in what I do.  He loves me and has saved me and is my friend so I have joy.  He gives me strength so I can overcome.  I owe everything to Jesus so I'm faithful.  I want to know Him more so I seek His face.

I love my new name!

 

I hope you enjoy the song sung here by Crossways to Life.

Through the Veil

Following on from Longing for Longing......The more we know God, the more we love Him, worship Him and want to know Him more.  Tozer said that what keeps us from God is a veil over our hearts.  Just as in the old testament a veil separated the Holy of Holies where God dwelt where only the High Priest could go once a year, so our own hearts have a veil which prevent us from seeing God.  This veil is the self-life: our selfishness, self-centredness, self-righteousness, self-pity, self-love, self-sufficiency, etc. Tozer says the only way to tear down this veil is through the cross:

"Let us beware of tinkering with our inner life, hoping ourselves to rend the veil.  God must do everything for us.  Our part is to yeild and trust.  We must confess, forsake, repudiate the self-life, and then reckon it crucified." (The Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer)

So it all comes down to surrender.  We surrender all of ourselves and our wills to God.  The song below by Nicole Brown sums it all up:

God of grace, God of mercy;

God of hope, God of truth.

You are my light and my salvation

Whom shall I fear?

I shall not be moved.

I bring my life, I bring my choices,

I  bring my mind, Lord I bring my heart.

Here I am, in full surrender

I give you all, take every part.

Here I come through the veil;

Here I stand, I seek your face,

Here I am, my life laid bare before You.

I'm lost without You.

Longing for Longing

I've been reading The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer.  Our walk with God really does have to be all about seeking Him with all our hearts.  However long we've been a Christian, there's still so much deeper and closer to God we can go.  In his book Tozer prays a beautiful prayer:  

"Lord, I want to want Thee, I long to be filled with longing, I thirst to be made more thirsty still."  

Just like David in Psalm 63:

O God, thou art my God, I seek Thee,

my soul thirsts for Thee;

my flesh faints for Thee,

as in a dry and weary land

where no water is.

So I have looked upon Thee in the sanctuary,

beholding Thy power and glory.

Because They steadfast love is better than life,

my lips will praise Thee.

So I will bless Thee as long as I live;

I will lift up my hands and call on Thy name.

Ps 63: 1-4

This is my prayer today:  Lord, I want to want you so much more.  I want to know you so much more.  I long to be filled with longing.  I thirst to be made more thirsty still.  However much I know you, it falls so far short of who You are.  Lord, help me get to know you more, help me to walk with you more closely.  Thank you, Lord.

Here's my art journal page:

The Fruits - Cultivate Them All!

The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, 

goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Gal 5:22

I used to pray for specific fruits - patience when I'd lost my temper, self-control when I was trying to diet, love when I found someone difficult, etc.  I used to pray, "Lord if I have your Spirit I should have this fruit."  But I've come to see that the fruits of the Spirit all go together.  For example:

How can we have self-control if we haven't got patience?

It would be hard to have joy if we haven't got peace. 

If we have kindness we've probably got goodness.   

And without love we probably couldn't have gentleness or faithfulness.

We couldn't have gentleness if we didn't have patience.

Without patience we can't have peace.

To have peace we could do with goodness.

For goodness we surely need love.

And so on!

So this is why I came to the conclusion that we need to cultivate all the fruits.  So my prayer now is, "Lord, fill me with your Spirit.  As your life fills me there will be less of me and more of you so the fruits of your Spirit will grow in me".  Thank you, Lord.

Here's my art journal page inspired by these thoughts.

 This page came together quickly.  Blue acrylic scraped on with a credit card leaving the odd white patch.  I have a lovely script stamp of the fruits of the Spirit which I stamped in white and the red is acrylic through a Crafters Workshop mini mosaic stencil.

I typed up the words and tore them out.  It was a really fun page to do.

Bless you and happy growing!